AW: Witze, Witze, Witze,
Hier noch zwei Witze frisch aus Übersee:
Newfie love poem.... Kind of brings a tear to ones eyes....
Of course I luvs ya darling
Your a bloody top notch bird
And when I says yer gorgeous
I means every single word.
So your bum is on the big side
I don't mind a lot of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There’s something there to grab.
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tells ya I don't care
So long as when I cuddles ya
I can get me arms around there.
No woman who is yer age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave into gravity
But I knows ya did yer best.
I am telling you the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think it's very sexy
That you have dimples on your thighs
I swears on me grannies grave now
From that moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was gonna get.
No matter what ya looks like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the hockeys on
And fetch me anudder beer.
Stranded
A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation.
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here
when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron..I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf.
As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave?There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?"
She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean. . . " he swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes.
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"Don't tell me you've built a Golf Course?!"
